Reflection: Asking Self-Help Questions

Reflection gets a bad wrap. Between manifestations, inspirational Instagram posts, and everything else people share their proclamations and dreams, it’s overwhelming. 

Is everyone a self-help junkie these days? 

I mean, probably. *raises hand shyly*

Look at your Instagram feed. How many scrolls until you find an inspirational or self-help post? For me, it wasn’t even three. Every day I see people post impulse prose, pretending they’re on the way, when I know they’re drowning just like the rest of us. They stumbled upon a moment of inspiration and shared it, only to tumble into to-do lists and anxieties the second their screen dims. 

Why people pretend? I don’t know. I’m not sure what those posts of pretty families and vacation destinations are supposed to prove when your life is in shambles behind the scenes. Most of these people don’t even know what their dream really is. They just know they want to be like everyone else. 

I do it every day. 

Instead of asking myself what I’ll be most proud of laying on my death bed, I compare my success to others. I pride myself on likes and shares. I bury myself in calendars and checklists. The reality is that none of that will matter when I’m resting quietly with my family after this work, and my life is winding down. 

That’s not to downplay the work you do, but it should downgrade the digital. I hope it reminds you that your life doesn’t occur between your thumbs and connected to WiFi, but rather when we connect with each other. 

That’s why I’m not going to be posting here again in December. 

First of all, screw “the hustle.” The hustle doesn’t help you find more ideas, it just kicks your ass on the path there. 

Second of all, I realize that I need to take a break to reset, reprioritize, and get focused before my body forces it.  

5 Self-Reflection Questions For the Self-Help Junkies

Every month, I write myself a letter. I answer 5 questions. 

  1. I want to feel: 
  2. I will be over the moon if: 
  3. I’ll regret it if I don’t: 
  4. I’ll give myself permission to: 
  5. If I get stuck, I’ll remember: 

The answers change each month, but there’s one noticeable trend. My biggest regrets are about missing time with my people. 

So, I’m making time. 

I have ideas, stories, and research that I can not wait to share with you in 2020. It can all wait.

So until then – be well. Take care of yourself. Give yourself permission to say no to the calendar and make room for great ideas to creep in. To rest. I’ll see you next year.

PS Let me be clear, this gives me all kinds of anxiety. It took a lot of therapy and practice to learn how to take breaks and stop comparing myself to others. It’s not easy to change bad habits, so be as kind to yourself as you are to everyone else in the transition. 


Kat Kibben View All →

Kat Kibben [they/them] is a keynote speaker, writing expert, and LGBTQIA+ advocate who teaches hiring teams how to write inclusive job postings that will get the right person to apply faster.

Before founding Three Ears Media, Katrina was a CMO, Technical Copywriter, and Managing Editor for leading companies like Monster,, and Randstad Worldwide. With 15+ years of recruitment marketing and training experience, Katrina knows how to turn talented recruiting teams into talented writers who write for people, not about work.

Today, Katrina is frequently featured as an HR and recruiting expert in publications like The New York Times, Chicago Tribune, and Forbes. They’ve been named to numerous lists, including LinkedIn’s Top Voices in Job Search & Careers. When not speaking, writing, or training, you’ll find Katrina traveling the country in their van or spending some much needed downtime with the dogs that inspired the name Three Ears Media.

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