The Remote Worker Ransom Letter

This remote worker ransom letter was inspired by an 8-mile drive that took over an hour just a few weeks ago. This is what your team really wants if you demand they come into the office next week.

Exactly one month has passed since we grabbed lunch, and now is the time for action.

I have received your request to come to the office on Thursday for our meeting. Meet the following conditions, and I will return to the office to attend your meeting. 

Don’t notify HR. I am not asking for a lot, only for what I need and I am very serious about this.

Put a $5000 cash bonus on my desk. 

Add a Pooper Scooper Service to let the dogs out three times today, and clean up the “thank you” these dogs leave behind regardless of those visits.  

Send a body double to attend my son’s 3rd-grade orchestra concert, book his camp for next week and pick him up from school. 

When I arrive in my yoga pants, no meetings can be canceled or run over. No one may take this call from home.

Now or never – 

Remote worker 

PS: a private office, meals of my choice, and unlimited espresso preferred 


Kat Kibben View All →

Kat Kibben [they/them] is a keynote speaker, writing expert, and LGBTQIA+ advocate who teaches hiring teams how to write inclusive job postings that will get the right person to apply faster.

Before founding Three Ears Media, Katrina was a CMO, Technical Copywriter, and Managing Editor for leading companies like Monster,, and Randstad Worldwide. With 15+ years of recruitment marketing and training experience, Katrina knows how to turn talented recruiting teams into talented writers who write for people, not about work.

Today, Katrina is frequently featured as an HR and recruiting expert in publications like The New York Times, Chicago Tribune, and Forbes. They’ve been named to numerous lists, including LinkedIn’s Top Voices in Job Search & Careers. When not speaking, writing, or training, you’ll find Katrina traveling the country in their van or spending some much needed downtime with the dogs that inspired the name Three Ears Media.

%d bloggers like this: