I have a hairpin trigger when it comes to getting mad at myself. I will take shit from people for months before I ever call them out on it, but if I mess up? The deal is off. I am a terrible human. I have messed up forever. Game over.
Sounds silly when I say it out loud. But it’s so easy. It’s so easy to see how I’m not exactly the person I think I’m supposed to be—some version of perfect that I’ve never written down but am constantly chasing.
I find myself bringing it up a lot during my coaching sessions—this discrepancy between what I think and reality. I have these highs where I feel like I know everything, and then something happens. Something goes right, something goes wrong. Either way, everything feels off track. Behind the changes, there’s this little voice in my head that says I can lose it all at any minute. I’m just one decision away from screwing everything up.
I know deep down that you can’t destroy something built over the years in a day. I hope you know that too because it took me a long time to learn and a lot of therapy. You’re welcome. That’s a freebie. However, knowing doesn’t stop that little voice. It doesn’t make me feel better when everything feels bad as I’m questioning my future. The feeling we talked about last week.
Do you have a good life?
But the truth is, a great life isn’t what happens after you do everything right. I mean, what is right anyway? Is it just some series of luck? I don’t think so. My friend Elena Valentine said to me, “life isn’t a poker table. You are blessed.” I tend to believe she’s right.
The rest of this is 100% inspired by the brilliant thoughts of my coach, Diamond. She has helped me reimagine good. It has been life-changing.
The thought she imparted on me this week is that wherever you think blessings come from, the books that make you believe (like the Bible) are a series of stories about people who are just practicing getting it right. Not people who show up and know everything, but people filled with mistakes, sins, or whatever you want to call it. People with doubts.
Not perfect people. People who act on faith.
The truth is a good life is one for the people who act on faith—not organized religion. But people with the conviction that we are here to create and uncover. The ones who know they are not the doer.
You can’t control or shortcut the path to where you end up, lucky or not. You have to go through each of the seasons as they come—even the ones where things are hard. Being perfect in every scenario won’t change that.
With that knowing, the hard things aren’t so hard. It’s hard not knowing. Impatience is hard. The moments where we want to rush our life are challenging—but doing the things? Not hard when we practice just being in the moment. When can we be? That’s what makes a great life. That’s what makes us lucky.
Do you consider yourself lucky? That’s the question I asked earlier this week in my blog. It was inspired by an interview question and life. If you like this letter, you’ll love that one too.
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Kat Kibben [they/them] is a keynote speaker, writing expert, and LGBTQIA+ advocate who teaches hiring teams how to write inclusive job postings that will get the right person to apply faster.
Before founding Three Ears Media, Katrina was a CMO, Technical Copywriter, and Managing Editor for leading companies like Monster, Care.com, and Randstad Worldwide. With 15+ years of recruitment marketing and training experience, Katrina knows how to turn talented recruiting teams into talented writers who write for people, not about work.
Today, Katrina is frequently featured as an HR and recruiting expert in publications like The New York Times, Chicago Tribune, and Forbes. They’ve been named to numerous lists, including LinkedIn’s Top Voices in Job Search & Careers. When not speaking, writing, or training, you’ll find Katrina traveling the country in their van or spending some much needed downtime with the dogs that inspired the name Three Ears Media.